What do you think of this excerpt from my book?

Hm, it just seems too typical. Not the story at all, just that he's that hero everyone dreams to see or be! The boy so young who does what he wishes and usually succeeds; in other words, he's too perfect. It's a good story, but I hope sometime in the book it shows his true flaws and attributes which aren't so great (for nobody is perfect). I did like what you put on here though, it showed his strong and determined side! Truthfully though, I wouldn't have made this boy ask the cop for weed, I would have had him find a dealer on the street and shoot him for the dope! Anyways, write on, it's not too bad!